Advertising works...

 This is me this afternoon in my office after our advertising lecture. The chocolate called to me. Advertising seriously works.... Also, Cadbury's chocolate is FAR superior than Hershey's. Just in case you were wondering.

It's okay to feel mixed about cuties

See my Psychology Today Blog post for my thoughts on the film, Cuties:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-media-mindset/202009/its-okay-feel-mixed-about-cuties

Saving Hope

 So if you know me, you know that I am obsessed with medical dramas. I've pretty much seen them all! ER, Grey's Anatomy, House, New Amsterdam, The Resident, Scrubs, Private Practice, etc. etc. etc. I wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid (and my dad is a doctor) so I've been fascinated with medical type stuff. In a different life I would probably become an OBGYN doc because I'm passionate about female health and I love the miracle of birth!

So I was excited when I found this Canadian media drama called "Saving Hope". This program has a bit of a supernatural element to it and some religious undertones, which I like (and is rare on TV these days). The characters are great and I only have one episode left!! 

The craziest episode was one that was done a few years ago and was about a novel coronavirus that was discovered in Africa, was brought to the USA, caused severe respiratory distress, and had a high death rate. I think I watched this in April and I was completely shocked when I figured out the topic of the episode. Holy crap. Luckily, in this one, they quickly isolated the infected individuals and shut the whole thing down in like 3 days. Wouldn't that be nice?! 

Billy Elliot - A dance for the senses

Hello from Belgium!

I spent 10 hours today reviewing grant applications in a too hot room with far too few breaks and I am DONE.

Tonight I needed to veg, so I picked up a warm baguette, some meat and some cheese and set up camp in my hotel room.

I decided to watch Billy Elliot. This film came out in 2000, so is definitely not new, but I hadn't seen it yet.

I LOVED IT.

It's about a young British boy growing up in the 80s in coal country, who decides he wants to be a professional dancer.

I think I cried at least 5 or 6 times. The dancing was enchanting, the hard won relationship between father and son was touching, but the perseverance and grit shown by young Billy was the most beautiful of all. This film made me want to sing and dance and follow all my dreams at once. I love when good media has that kind of power.

I think what made it most touching was that my 6 year old, Liam, just started ballet this year. Liam is such a beautiful soul. My other boys are more rough and tumble and are all into soccer, while Liam just wants to dance. He talked about it for a full year before we picked him up the cutest little tap and ballet shoes. He is the only boy in his class and comes home grinning and twirling each week. Oh how I love my little guy. I hope nothing ever stops his spirit and his desire to pursue the arts.

The film is rated R in the states, but only 13+ here in Belgium, which is interesting. There is a lot of swearing, so viewer be warned. I feel like it accurately reflects life in a hardened family in rural England - similar to how my husband grew up. To me, it didn't take away from the film, but was a stark juxtaposition to the beauty of the ballet.

I grew up dancing and tried out for the drill team when I was 15 years old. I made it to the final round, before getting cut. My entire dance company made it - I was the only one who didn't make the team. I remember crying to my dance coach that evening and thinking my life had ended. Of course it did not, and I ended up getting involved in wonderful things in high school, but one consequence of this was that I stopped dancing for more than 20 years. This changed 2 years ago when my daughter asked me to try out for community theatre with her. I started dancing again and it ended up being the most beautiful, healing, empowering experience I have had in a very long time. Dancing is good for the soul and good for the heart.

So happy here!

My daughter, Hannah, and me

 Wearing a tutu just makes life better.

Enjoy the dance of life!

the Mindy project

I'm at home with the stomach flu today which is kinda the worst! Last night I was feeling terrible and didn't want to do anything so I turned on The Mindy Project and just zoned out for a few hours. I fell in love with Mindy Kaling from The Office years ago so have been wanting to watch this series for a while. The Mindy Project is what I call "brain candy" - zero depth, pretty darn inappropriate, but super funny. You don't have to think AT ALL while watching....which is exactly what I needed while throwing my guts up. Hooray for mindless media sometimes..... I'm feeling much better this morning so should be able to see you all in class on Wednesday!

Baymax or Smurfs?

Okay, so a little catch up! Sorry this semester is running away with me.

First of all, my husband Paul, has another hand surgery on Thursday (so office hours will be cancelled). This is from his table saw accident from January. His pointer finger just isn't moving at all, even after 10 months of Physical therapy, so they are going to try to clean up the scar tissue and hopefully get it moving a little bit better. Here is a picture of him after his last surgery - not looking very happy. Your media moment: do you think he looks more like a smurf or baymax in this picture?

Poor guy. We'd love some prayers our way on Thursday if you happen to think about the Coyne family that day!

Also, I wanted to post this cute picture from our class Halloween lecture. Thank you to everyone who dressed up! I don't even like Halloween all that much, but teaching my fear lecture while dressed up as one of my very favorite media characters of all time made for a really memorable class for me!

#metoo and airplanes

For someone who had my own #metoo toxic moment on a plane ride this year, this was pretty triggering and upsetting for me. 

This follows on with exactly what we were talking about in class yesterday. When the most powerful individual in the United States sends the message that it is okay to grope women....well, we have a problem. Yes, this man is responsible for his own behavior, and he likely was just using Trump as a scapegoat, but STILL. The fact that this is even a possibility makes my heart ache - both for the men and women of America. 

A beautiful motherhood moment, brought to you by Matilda

I just had a beautiful moment with my daughter, Hannah, tonight that I wanted to record. Paul and I were out fairly late hanging out with some friends. The older kids were babysitting. When we got home, the kids were still awake and they wanted to talk. We all sat on Nathan's bed (my eldest son) and just chatted for a while. Then I put the boys to sleep and went in to put Hannah to bed.

We were talking for a bit and then she randomly started singing "My Shot" from Hamilton. Dang - she has most of those words memorized and there are A LOT of words in that song! She is going to be "Matilda" (the Broadway version) for Halloween this year, so I asked her to sing a Matilda song. She sang the song, "Quiet". It is such a beautiful song, and she has such a clear, pure voice. She looked up over the computer at me, and I was struck by one of those moments of motherhood where I just wanted to stop time. Hannah is 11 next month and is really growing into an incredible young woman. She is strong, and confident, and bossy, and just SO full of life, and I drank up every moment of that song. At the end I gave her a huge hug and whispered, "Never grow up. Ever".  So then she had to sing me the song, "When I grow up"....also from Matilda and really made me cry. Ha!

Hannah and I really bond over Broadway songs. We sing them all the time to each other (sometimes belting them out WAAAAY too loud). Hannah loves to act in plays and early this year asked me to try out for a play with her. That is NOT my thing, so I told her no at first, but then ended up agreeing to try out...because when your daughter asks you to spend time with her doing something you love, you say "yes" even though it might be really hard and scary for you! We both ended up making it and performed in Payson Community Theater's "A Night on Broadway" (and I even got to sing Edelweiss as a duet! So much scarier than talking in front of hundreds of people like I often do for my job. AHHH!!) Singing and dancing with Hannah is one of my VERY favorite things to do with her and I am so grateful for the many, many ways that music touches my life and allows me to deepen relationships with others.

Singing "You will be found" - my sister and niece are also in the picture

Hannah singing "Carrying the Banner" from Newsies

Edelweiss duet

New family pictures!

Soooo Liam is now FIVE years old, making my previous family picture almost six years out of date! I hope you enjoy the newest one up on the blog! These were taken by my very cool cousin, Stephanie Ward. Here are a few extras that I love! In case you were wondering, my kids are Nate (age 13), Hannah (age 10), Aidan (age 8), Liam (age 5), and Finn (age 1). 

P.S. My husband Paul was thrilled that spouses can finally get a BYU ID without having to shave. Took them long enough!

Thank you, sir.

Well after last class, you all know what a West Wing groupie I am. As of this fall, I was assigned to be associate director of the School of Family Life and Alan Hawkins is now the director. We work closely together and often have to talk about rather serious  and weighty things concerning the SFL faculty and students. I asked Alan for a favor yesterday right after class. He said, "yes", and so knowing Alan's EQUAL love for the West Wing AND my cognitive scripts surrounding the West Wing being activated after yesterday's class, I decided to express my appreciation with this meme:

Yes - Gus from Psych is in West Wing (I told you it's a good show) - in the show he is the president's assistant (kind of like I am to Alan). It was a very, very simple thing, but our offices are next door and I have NEVER heard him laugh so loudly as when he opened my email. It made my day and I was struck by an appreciation of how media can bring us together in the small moments of our day.

Back to school

I am loving all the back to school pictures that are coming up on my Instagram feed this week! I am THRILLED to be teaching my media class again, so I decided to post my own picture. So happy to be at BYU!

My kindness shall not depart from thee

We sang this song in my ward choir this past month and I have absolutely fallen in love with the music. I listen to this when I am feeling at my worst. It makes me feel warm and safe and loved. Pay close attention to the lyrics, they are absolutely stunning. 

It comes from Isaiah 54: 10.

10 For the ^amountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the ^bcovenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.

Could this be any more perfect for today's lecture?

If you came to class today (I hope you did!), you will remember we talked all about gender and media.

Later this evening, my daughter, Hannah, wanted to show me something she had been watching. It was called "And the Tiara goes to..." At first I REALLY didn't want to watch. It sounded like the anti-Sarah and something I would hate. But she kept pressing me and telling me I would love it, so I gave in.

The program is an American Doll episode. Which I really do love in theory (I grew up with the stories). This particular episode centers around a beauty pageant. One of the girls (Julie) decides to just "be herself" in the talent portion and so instead of singing, dancing, etc., Julie decides to dribble a basketball. So cool! And then Hannah wanted to show me one more part. All the girls were being asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. Answers included being a veterinarian, fashion designer, ballet studio owner, flight attendant, movie star, etc. All great things. Julie's answer brought tears to my eyes.

"President of the United States"

"Well...not right away. I'd have to go college and then maybe become a mayor. And I know it might be really hard because there's never been a female president, but imagine what it would be like if one day....girls were born and they never even remembered a time when there hadn't been a woman president. Those girls would just know it was possible and never know that it wasn't. I think that would be really exciting? Don't you?"

Here is the full episode and that great scene starts at 9:20. Well worth a few minutes of your time.

I asked Hannah later that evening if she thought she would like to be president someday. She grinned and said, "Absolutely!"

I am so thankful for this girl of mine. Boy, she can sure give us a run for our money sometimes (see my SFL351 lecture on emotion regulation!), but she is an absolute joy for the most part. She is really figuring things out and is mature beyond her years. She is kind, smart, empathetic, generous, and a true defender. When other kids are getting picked on - she is the kid to stop it. She knows who she is and she has a beautiful spirit. Hannah got baptized in January (see a few pictures below). It was a beautiful, perfect day. Right after she got the Holy Ghost she asked to bear her testimony. She talked about her faith in Jesus Christ and her knowledge that families will be together forever. She broke down in tears and left the stand sobbing, overcome with the Spirit. Sometimes, it is an absolute privilege being a parent. Love you Hannah. And if anyone could be the first female president - it would be you (well....or Hillary Clinton!) :)

Best media couples?

Sorry I have been a little M.I.A. these days - February has been busy! I am the MFHD graduate coordinator and Feb is our busiest month. It is Saturday right now and I finally have a little time to breathe, so I thought I would do a quick blog post.

I got this Christmas present for my husband, Paul, this year. The glare is a little bad, but you get the idea. We like to watch TV shows together and these are some of our favorite couples from some of our favorite programs including The West Wing, Gilmore Girls, Friday Night Lights, The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and of course a whole lot of Disney.

I think my favorite media couple of all time is Eric and Tammy Taylor from Friday Night Lights. They have a realistic marriage, with trials and problems, but they are also extremely supportive and caring to each other. I remember once Paul and I were in the middle of an argument. We had kind of stomped off to our separate rooms and Paul came back and said something about an episode we had just watched where Eric and Tammy have an argument, but they were able to work it out in a really beautiful way. This inspired him and he came to fix things pretty quickly.

I really do think that media can be inspiring. There is almost no research on media and romantic relationships, but I suspect there is some sort of effect. I just need to do the study now.......

Who are your favorite media couples and why???

Two Cathedrals

Tonight I got some bad news. The kind of news that leads to sobbing on the bathroom floor and a borderline panic attack. To numb some of the pain, I decided to turn to media.

As you know, The West Wing is my all time favorite show. There is one episode called "Two Cathedrals" (season finale of season 2). In my opinion, it is the finest 43 minutes and 57 seconds of television. Ever.

A scene kept running through my head. President Bartlet is considering running for re-election and unexpectedly experiences a tragedy in his life. After a funeral he has this conversation with God. Be warned - there is a little language.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVgK5HKj3P4



President Bartlet is a highly religious man. But I think this scene portrays the raw pain that many of feel when we experience significant trials in our life. As I watched, I wondered. Is God just a "feckless thug"? Are we really in control of anything in this life or does He just play games with us? What's the point of trying our best - of giving our all - when it can be taken away so easily. I've related to this scene several times in my life, especially this year, and I cried as I watched it again today.

However, the episode does not end there. Bartlet has a profound conversation with someone who points out that "he's having quite the day". She reminds him that God does not *cause* accidents and that there are a lot of people who are "worse off than you". They talk numbers. How many children are born in poverty. How many people don't have health care. How many people are incarcerated, etc. President Bartlet realizes that there is still work to do. There is still hope.

There is a fierce storm. Bartlet enters the fray and makes the decision to run for re-election. He does not give up, even when the task appears insurmountable. It is my very favorite scene in any program I have ever viewed.

https://vimeo.com/56378248

As I watched this tonight, I was filled with hope. My 2 year old, Liam, had crawled out of bed and was snuggled next to me, playing with my ear as he likes to do. I felt warm and I felt loved. Bad things happen. It's not right and it's not fair. It's easy to feel hopeless and to feel like giving up. It's easy to blame God even though he gives us nothing but His grace. He knows exactly how much life can suck sometimes and He will not leave us comfortless. He will send a 2 year old and an inspired episode the West Wing to lift you up. There is still hope. And there is still a lot of work to do here on this earth. Watch this. I'm ready.

Octonauts

I think this is probably my favorite kid's show. As in - I'll actually sit and fully watch (and enjoy) this one with my kids. I LOVE the ocean (I wanted to be a marine biologist up until I started college) and I learn something every time I watch it! This week we learned about the siphonophore. This is just one animal. A siphonophore is a colony of many creatures that probably can't live on it's own. It is also one of the only animals to produce a red light and is one of the longest creatures in the entire world. SO COOL. Not bad for preschool media!

A real siphonophore

A League of Their Own

This movie is probably in my top five favorite movies EVER!!!

So, you can imagine how excited I was to watch this at a girl's night with my only daughter, Hannah, age 8. Here we are all snuggled up.

I love so many things about this movie. It is such a powerful message for young girls - that you can DO anything and BE anything you want to be, regardless of gender! Hannah really seemed to pick up on this theme and has talked about this randomly throughout the past few days. I love the sports theme (even though I always stunk at baseball). I also love, love, LOVE Tom Hanks in this movie! He seriously cracks me up.

And I love the deep look at sibling rivalry between Dottie and Kit. It's pretty intense and I can relate on some level. There is a little sexual content which we fast forwarded, but not much. If you haven't seen this, go out and watch it immediately!!!

In honor of this beautiful movie, here are my top five favorite movie quotes from A League of Their Own. My siblings and I might quote some of these to each other regularly.


1. It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.
2. Oh piss on your hat.
3. You ever hear Dad introduce us to people? "This is our daughter Dottie, and this is our other daughter, Dottie's sister." Should've just had you and bought a dog!
4. You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your bosoms?

And of course...

5. THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!!


What is your favorite "girl power" movie?

Potty training

Welcome to a new SFL358 year! It's been a while since I posted on this blog and I'm excited to be teaching this class again!

Just a quick one for today - we have been talking to our 2 1/2 year old, Liam about potty training. We've got the potty out a few times, but haven't been really serious about it. Yesterday, on the way home from church, Liam, said "Daniel Tiger goes the potty". I said, "You are right! Do you want to go to the potty like Daniel Tiger?" Liam said "YES! In MY potty!"

*Our gorgeous little man*

You see, there is a whole episode about going to the potty on one of Liam's favorite shows, "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood". My 11 year old calls this particular episode, "the worst show in the entire universe" and always complains loudly when it gets turned on. But it's pretty cool that my 2 year old understood the concept of the episode and wanted to change his behavior after viewing this particular episode.

For those of you who are not parents, you might not understand just how big a deal this actually is. I have four children and pretty much have been changing diapers for a solid 11 years of my life!!! That is a LOT of diapers. Liam is likely our last kid, so this represents a pretty exciting change for us (and our wallet!)


So.....thank you Daniel Tiger! And watch this space for potty training news in the future.

Should I start my child in Kindergarten this year? - Academic redshirting

Note: This article originally appeared on Parentsware.com in January, 2015. 

Should I start my child in Kindergarten this year?

The practice of academic redshirting in early childhood

Dr. Sarah M. Coyne

When my third child, Aidan, was born July 8^th, one of the first thoughts that went through my mind was “Should I send him to kindergarten on time?” This was pretty ridiculous to be thinking for a child not even a day old. However, Aidan will be 5-years-old this July and is due to enter kindergarten later this year. So, all of a sudden the decision has become very real.

Holding back children from entering kindergarten on time is known as “academic redshirting”. This practice has been increasing for a number of years, with more and more parents choosing to wait to send their 5-year old to kindergarten. The practice is more common for boys who have summer birthdays (like my Aidan), and in children who come from white, higher socio-economic families (Bassock & Reardon, 2013). Parents report redshirting to give their child an advantage in life in terms of popularity, sports, academics, and more, especially for those who may appear immature during preschool. However, research shows that children who end up getting redshirted actually score better on academic measures than their peers in preschool. There was also NO relationship with developmental concerns. This one baffled me as it means that the “smarter” kids are the ones that are actually being held back, suggesting that many parents have other motives than just helping a “slower to mature” child catch up (Bassok, & Reardon, 2013).

This year Aidan has been in preschool. Literally, every single other boy in his class was old enough to go to kindergarten last year, making Aidan more than a year younger than every other boy in his class (and almost two years younger in some cases!) So now panic mom mode sets in – Aidan will be SO young compared to all the other kids! He’ll be smaller! Maybe he won’t do as well academically? Maybe he won’t fit in as well? Maybe he won’t be as good at sports? Maybe he’ll get bullied? What if this one decision to send him sets him up for a spiral of academic failure for the rest of his life?????

So I did what every reasonable mom does – post a message on Facebook asking other parents advice. Immediately, I got dozens of responses. Parents feel very strongly both ways. Many lauded the benefits for their own children – they reported that they seemed to do better socially, academically, and were the biggest kids so had advantages in sports. Others spoke of being the youngest in their grade and the benefits they saw. So in sum, Facebook (not surprisingly), left me feeling more confused than ever.

I called Aidan’s preschool teacher next. She said that Aidan would likely be ready for kindergarten by the fall and would probably do just fine. There were a few minor concerns about how shy he can be, though, so she also said it wouldn’t hurt him to hold him back another year. So again, kind of a split decision.

So I did what I always do – turn to the research. I’m a child development scholar and do research for a living and feel there is great value in knowing the real studies on any given topic. I read many different studies and then actually did my own research with some data we have. My own data involves our Flourishing Families study which follows 500 adolescents from when they were 10 years old until they were 18 years old. I wanted to find out how the youngest in each grade fared compared to the oldest (who were redshirted). What I found fascinated me. I’ve summarized it below for you.

To redshirt?

There is a definite advantage that first year of kindergarten. Kids who are redshirted do better academically in a number of different areas, including reading, spelling, vocabulary, etc (Bickel, et al., 1991; Jones et al., 1990;Huang et al., 2012;  Langer et al., 1984). However, these benefits start to diminish by the end of kindergarten (Huang et al., 2012) and almost completely disappear by the 3^rd grade (Stipek, 2002). My own research revealed that the oldest kids in each grade reported going through puberty earlier than their peers. There are some advantages to being an early maturing boy (in terms of popularity and sports), but there are also some problems as detailed later. And being an early maturing girl can be very hard on children (just ask my friend Mindy Taylor who was nearly 6 feet tall in the 6^th grade!) I know many parents are concerned about their child playing sports, but I couldn’t find any research that addressed this particular issue. We do know that early maturing boys do tend to do better at sports, so there will be an indirect link at the very least.

Or not to redshirt?

A number of studies suggest that children who start earlier and who benefit from a stimulating school environment actually gain a valuable head start in terms of cognitive development (e.g., Mayer & Knutson, 1999; Vygotsky, 1978). Indeed children who start school later may miss out on very beneficial early childhood experiences provided by schools (Karweit, 1988; May et al., 1994). Children who do seriously struggle may actually benefit from that early year of intervention offered by many schools, compared to those who wait to get help. This only works if your child doesn’t go to a crappy school, so that is definitely something to consider.

There are also some advantages to being younger. Research shows that those boys with summer birthdays (who are NOT redshirted) end up with higher wages in adulthood (Angrist & Krueger, 1991; Lincove & Painter, 2005), as they gain an extra year in the workforce. An examination of my own data found some very interesting patterns. Remember, this is across 8 years and involving a large group of adolescents. The youngest children in the class showed higher levels of hope, prosocial behavior, integrity and gratitude. And the strongest finding of all revealed that they were more likely to be engaged in school during the high school years (emotionally, behaviorally, and cognitively), suggesting that older children tend to “check out” a little earlier. Not helpful for those college entrance exams.

I also found NO differences at all between the groups in terms of GPA during middle school and high school, whether they were bullied, anxiety level, empathy, self-esteem, shyness, perseverance, or leadership skills. These are all things that parents who redshirt their children describe as reasons why they hold their children back, but there appears to be no evidence of a relationship. Indeed, the research does “not support the widespread use of [redshirting] for increasing readiness” (Graue & DiPerna, 2000; p. 509) as there are no documented long term advantages in life.

A number of studies also show some negative outcomes for those who are the oldest in the class, including behavioral problems and aggression (Byrd et al., 1997). Indeed, my own data from Flourishing Families consistently revealed that the oldest children in each age group were more likely to be physically aggressive, depressed, and become involved in delinquent behavior.

My decision

After doing all this research, my husband and I have confidently decided to send Aidan to kindergarten next year. We have to lower our expectations that first year as his peers will do better than him. And I’ve decided that’s okay. By 3^rd grade it will all have evened out and I don’t think Harvard will be looking at his kindergarten reading skills. I’ve also decided I don’t really care if he’s the captain of the football team his senior year in high school, as it is possible he won’t be the biggest kid in his class. That doesn’t motivate me in the slightest. Besides, tennis is a much better sport anyway! ;) I’ve decided that I don’t want Aidan to do well in life because he just happens to be older and stronger than his peers. I want him to do well because he learns to work hard, to truly care and to empathize with others, and to never, ever give up.

After doing all this research, I’m actually troubled by this increasing trend. No matter what, somebody always has to be the youngest. However, we are now seeing an almost 2 year age gap in some classes. This isn’t fair to the teacher who has to manage so many different ages and it’s not fair to the kids (both the oldest and the youngest ones). I just wonder when it will stop. For example, most children would do REALLY well in kindergarten if we all started them at 10 years old. They would definitely be the biggest and the strongest kids in school. They would definitely be the smartest. That doesn’t mean we should do it. There is such a culture of hyper-competitiveness of parents in America right now and I think the practice of redshirting to give children a supposed advantage in life is fueling this way of thinking.

Now before you go crazy on me, I do think there are legitimate reasons for not sending your child to kindergarten on time. Countless studies show that there are some serious consequences to repeating a grade, even at younger ages (Hauser, 2000; Holmes, 1989). So, if you are concerned that your child will fail kindergarten – seriously fail it, then that is a great reason to wait that extra year. However, anecdotally, most parents who redshirt their children do not do it for this reason.

Conclusion

This post will probably make a lot of people upset, as I know a lot of parents redshirt their children. We all are doing what we think is best for our children, and there is no shame in that. This decision is driven by love and caring, and that is a good thing. However, I wanted to show you the actual research on the topic in case some of you are in the same position I am in right now. Let’s all become better informed on the topic and not to decide to hold back our children, just because “everyone else is doing it”. That adds a peer pressure to my parenting that I simply don’t need.  Many people told me to follow my gut – which is what I did…..after reading the real research.

March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb

As many of you know, the month of March has been a pretty difficult one for my family. I wanted to update you on the situation and my thoughts over the last few weeks. However, I feel like I've cried FAR more this semester than I would like, so didn't want to break down yet again in front of you all! So, I thought I would share my feelings here.

Nona is still alive (at almost 3 weeks!) Her parents were able to take her home from the hospital which is amazing news. She has a feeding tube which is giving her a lot of trouble, but she is doing okay. We don't know what the future will hold or how long she will be with us, but every single day is a gift.

This is how my sister announced her birth on Facebook. They both love Chaco's and my brother in law made Nona a tiny pair so she could match her parents. 

Thank you so much for your prayers over the past few weeks. I have felt them. When we last spoke I mentioned how angry I was. I've never done this, but I turned all the lights off in my bathroom and just yelled at God. How unfair this whole thing was. How ridiculous this life is. Why he would make us go through this? Why would he do this to my sister? And on and on. 

I didn't feel comfort at all. Just anger and pain. This went on for a few days. 

I came to work later that week and my wonderful grad student, Kevin had put some flowers in my office and left me a beautiful note. On the note he put this quote from Lord of the Rings (there is your media moment for today!)

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. 

For the first time, I allowed my heart to be softened. I went to a meeting with my head of department who also has been through very difficult times. He gave me some excellent advice. I went back to my office to pray and instead of yelling, asked for comfort, inspiration, and to accept God's will. 

I then went to a faculty meeting. My mind began to wander and I thought of my biggest idea yet for a research study. An idea that is still taking shape, but one that I think will be the best thing I have done professionally. 

An idea for a research study is not what I asked for. But I think that God gives us strength and inspiration in many different contexts when we go through hard times. I think this idea was an answer to a prayer and the kind of research HE wants me doing right now. It's an insane feeling, one I haven't really had before in a professional context. But I feel compelled to do this (I can't tell you what it is yet, but I think it's going to be amazing!)

I went home that night, a little confused, but feeling very inspired and loved. I prayed again for comfort which I still hadn't received. Instead I got the strong prompting to go the temple. I went the next morning and when I walked in the door I was prompted to do sealings. I thought this was weird because I usually go with Paul but decided to follow the Spirit. 

While in the sealing room, the Spirit was stronger than I had ever felt it. I was able to act as a proxy for daughter after daughter after daughter who was being sealed to her parents. I looked in the mirrors that reflect each other and truly felt I could feel eternity. I weeped as the spirit bore testimony to me that once again, families are forever. This life is NOT the end. And importantly, this was God's will and my sister and her family were going to be okay. It was going to be harder than anything they have ever been through....but we were going to come out stronger than before. I was given visions of eternity that feel too sacred for me to share here. I have never felt the Spirit so strong or felt so loved in my entire life as in that moment. 

Since then, I have been on somewhat of a spiritual high. Things are still hard. I still get angry and sad from time to time. But I feel like God has such a bigger plan for us all, one that I cannot even begin to comprehend. He loves us so much. We signed up for this life, even knowing just how difficult it can be. I have such a strong testimony of these facts, and I'm sure I will be holding tightly on to them in the future. Thanks again for your love and prayers.