Cinderella ate my daughter

This is from my personal blog, but thought it was super relevant so I'll post it here as well...

I'm in San Fransisco right now at a Gender Development conference. Just saw Wicked last night: LOVED IT!!

Had dinner with a woman the other night who talked about "benign bigotry", whatever that is. She was saying how feminists were so picked on and I asked, "So, are you a feminist?" "Oh yeah", she said. I had verbal diarrhea at that point and blurted out, "Wow! I've never met a real feminist before!" as if she were an alien or something. Oh good times.

SO, I just out of a WONDERFUL talk by Peggy Ornstein called "Cinderella ate my daughter: Reflections on the new "girly" girl childhood". She talked a lot about the Disney Princess line (who last year made like 5 BILLION dollars in merchandising), why all girl toys have to be "pink" and why this might be a problem.



This was the closing talk and I was so excited to go, as Hannah has now fully embraced the whole "Cinderella concept". She likes to dress up, her favorite color is pink, she can quote whole dialogues from Cinderella, and knows all the words to "Once upon a dream". I have four younger sisters who were all NOT girly. In fact, two of them (you know who you are!) would dress in boy clothing and could even pass for boys when their hair was short! I desperately wanted a younger sister who I could paint her nails, or do her hair, but no go! So, when I had a daughter of my own, I was really excited, and even more excited when Hannah seemed to naturally gravitate to the more girly stuff!



Okay, here's my take on this whole thing. Now, I've never been a huge fan of Disney Princesses. The focus is on BEAUTY. Why do girls like them? Because they are PRETTY. Sure, Cinderella works hard, but only cause the stepmother makes her. Sleeping Beauty does nothing but dream her life away and then falls asleep and Ariel is the ultimate "rebellious teenager" (instead of a belly button ring, she went out and got LEGS!) The psychologist mom that I am, whenever we talk about Disney Princesses, I always try to highlight the non-beauty aspects of them (as in "wow, Cinderella sure is a kind person"). My husband just laughs at me.

I've been so focused on keeping Nathan away from media violence (which has a HUGE effect on boys!) that this Disney princess thing with Hannah has sort of snuck up on me. What kind of message am I sending? That THIN, beautiful models (which sums up pretty much all princesses) are all that are out there? And these models are to be frank, slightly insipid, (Sleeping Beauty) sometimes whiny, (Ariel) and often entitled (Jasmine)? And I sort of encouraged this??? I've just realized that my email address has the word princess in it, and my name actually means "princess"!!!! How do I raise a girl who is self assured, confident, feels good about her self and her body, and who isn't afraid to be SMART in this day and age, when even I (psychologist media girl) have sort of bought into the hype?!? Have I ruined my daughter forever?!?!?

Luckily, Hannah is 2 and still has a lot of growing up to do. I do think a little make believe is great: but you still need to focus on the non-beauty aspects of these princesses. So, here are a few Disney princesses that I think we are going to start focusing on: those that have truly great qualities besides the fact that they have a pretty face.

Belle


I think this is my all time Disney Princess. First of all, she is SMART! She loves to read and isn't ashamed of it, even though it makes her a little odd. Secondly, she DOESN'T buy into the whole appearance thing. The message of the story is that appearances don't matter! After all, she falls in love with the beast, and even stays with him when he turns into that seriously ugly prince at the end! (sorry, don't know what Disney was thinking with that prince!!)

Jane



Okay, not officially a Disney princess, but I think she's great! She's not the most beautiful of girls (gotta love the pointy nose!), but she's a SCIENTIST!!! How many good female scientists do we have in children's movies? I think Tarzan is too scary for Hannah right now (at least the last part), but I'm hoping to really get her into this in the future.

Mulan

Now here is a Disney princess who is brave, self sacrificing, intelligent, honorable, and loyal. She is awkward and doesn't quite fit it, yet she saves her whole country. LOVE IT! Again, the movie is a little too scary/violent for Hannah at age 2, but I'm buying the book!

Tiana


Disney's newest princess, isn't actually a princess until the end of the movie. Here's my favorite attribute of Tiana: She WORKS HARD! And she's a frog for the whole movie, so the whole beauty thing is kind of moot throughout! The really "girl girl" Charlotte (who I think is HILARIOUS!) is made to be kind of ridiculous, so again the whole concept of focusing on beauty is actually mocked in this show! Besides the scary voodoo dolls (yikes!) this is a great show for little girls to watch!

SO, there's my take on Disney princesses. In theory, I don't mind the line too much as they are certainly better than the alternative: Barbie and Bratz dolls were are hugely sexualized and REALLY not the role model I want for Hannah!


I think you need to have moderation in all things. The speaker had completely banned all princess stuff from her house, but I don't think this is necessary. I think as a parent, I need to MODERATE what does come into the house (focus on some, but not others), and try to highlight the GOOD aspects of these role models. So, we aren't completely going to ban Cinderella from the house: seriously, a little pink and dress up (in moderation) probably never hurt anyone! But at the same time we are also going to focus on all the "princesses" listed above that will provide a more balanced view of womanhood! Hopefully, this will help us all have a happily ever after!