Nona is still alive (at almost 3 weeks!) Her parents were able to take her home from the hospital which is amazing news. She has a feeding tube which is giving her a lot of trouble, but she is doing okay. We don't know what the future will hold or how long she will be with us, but every single day is a gift.
This is how my sister announced her birth on Facebook. They both love Chaco's and my brother in law made Nona a tiny pair so she could match her parents.
Thank you so much for your prayers over the past few weeks. I have felt them. When we last spoke I mentioned how angry I was. I've never done this, but I turned all the lights off in my bathroom and just yelled at God. How unfair this whole thing was. How ridiculous this life is. Why he would make us go through this? Why would he do this to my sister? And on and on.
I didn't feel comfort at all. Just anger and pain. This went on for a few days.
I came to work later that week and my wonderful grad student, Kevin had put some flowers in my office and left me a beautiful note. On the note he put this quote from Lord of the Rings (there is your media moment for today!)
Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
For the first time, I allowed my heart to be softened. I went to a meeting with my head of department who also has been through very difficult times. He gave me some excellent advice. I went back to my office to pray and instead of yelling, asked for comfort, inspiration, and to accept God's will.
I then went to a faculty meeting. My mind began to wander and I thought of my biggest idea yet for a research study. An idea that is still taking shape, but one that I think will be the best thing I have done professionally.
An idea for a research study is not what I asked for. But I think that God gives us strength and inspiration in many different contexts when we go through hard times. I think this idea was an answer to a prayer and the kind of research HE wants me doing right now. It's an insane feeling, one I haven't really had before in a professional context. But I feel compelled to do this (I can't tell you what it is yet, but I think it's going to be amazing!)
I went home that night, a little confused, but feeling very inspired and loved. I prayed again for comfort which I still hadn't received. Instead I got the strong prompting to go the temple. I went the next morning and when I walked in the door I was prompted to do sealings. I thought this was weird because I usually go with Paul but decided to follow the Spirit.
While in the sealing room, the Spirit was stronger than I had ever felt it. I was able to act as a proxy for daughter after daughter after daughter who was being sealed to her parents. I looked in the mirrors that reflect each other and truly felt I could feel eternity. I weeped as the spirit bore testimony to me that once again, families are forever. This life is NOT the end. And importantly, this was God's will and my sister and her family were going to be okay. It was going to be harder than anything they have ever been through....but we were going to come out stronger than before. I was given visions of eternity that feel too sacred for me to share here. I have never felt the Spirit so strong or felt so loved in my entire life as in that moment.
Since then, I have been on somewhat of a spiritual high. Things are still hard. I still get angry and sad from time to time. But I feel like God has such a bigger plan for us all, one that I cannot even begin to comprehend. He loves us so much. We signed up for this life, even knowing just how difficult it can be. I have such a strong testimony of these facts, and I'm sure I will be holding tightly on to them in the future. Thanks again for your love and prayers.
Beautifully said. Thank you for the update and your wonderful example.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update and the inspirational share. :) we will continue to pray for your family.
ReplyDeleteMan, life can be hard. We really do need the sorrow to appreciate the happy. So glad to hear the update, you are strong. Your family will still be in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so willing to share your hardships with us. I know everything that is going on isn't easy for you, but your willingness to share your experience and open yourself up to our prayers has been a great and humbling example to me. I feel like in your class this semester I have been spiritually strengthened and my commitment to the gospel has been deepened. There have been several times this semester where you have shared something without planning on it because of a prompting. Thank you for following your promptings. Thank you for assisting me in the continued development of my testimony.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing with us. We love you and feel so privileged that you would ask us to pray for you and share with us. I am very happy to hear that that sweet little baby is able to be home and your sister gets to spend time with her baby. I also can't wait to hear about your study when the time comes. Life is hard but God is good. I know that sounds like a country song, but it's true. Again thank you for teaching and sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteEarlier in the semester I went through something very similar. My little niece was at Primary Children’s for almost 3 months. We saw miracle after miracle and everyday we survived through the power of so many people’s prayers. The outpouring of support and love was unreal. There were many hard times, some of the hardest, but those hard times have helped me, and my family, to grow so much stronger. You must have a very special family because God only gives us trials that he knows we can handle. I am so grateful for your testimony and example. I have learned so much from you. Thanks for always being such a great professor! You are continually in my prayers! Just remember, have faith and things always work out in the end!
ReplyDeleteWe love you Dr. Coyne! Thank you for sharing this experience! Hearing your testimony strengthens mine :)
ReplyDeleteYou're a giant Dr. Coyne. Thank you for your words. I've learned so much from having you as a teacher. Your words and especially this post have given me motivation to keep going in life. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYes, thank you for including us. What an experience...hard stuff. I have always loved wise old Gandalf. I also love (well, mostly) that our wise Heavenly Father allows us to grow. Wish it were easier to hang on to those spiritual highs. (Ha! Some comic relief here: Have you ever seen "The Andy Griffith Show" episode where Barney Fife gives his "Life is Like a Road" monologue? If you need a good laugh sometime, YouTube: "A Date for Gomer." Hilarious.) You are amazing. I am so glad the Spirit guided me to your class this semester...
ReplyDeletep.s. Just want to be sure I've got my media sources right. The "Life is Like a Road" clip I'm thinking of is actually from "The Song Festers," [YouTube, "The Andy Griffith Show"]. Along with some super funny moments, there are a couple really tender ones.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that i think you are amazing and you and your family are in my prayers. As i read this i just cried it helped me in ways that you will never realize. life gets hard and i just want to tell you that it only makes us stronger and who we are. i promise it gets better. i just want to thank you for posting this and just know that sometimes all that will help is to cry and let him help us. you and your family are in my prayers and always will be.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing. I think God uses us all to be instruments in His hands to help others grow and lift them when they are down. This post was such a tender mercy for me. I've been going through some health challenges, and it is the reminder I need to keep an eternal perspective, trust God, and bless other people through my own pain. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. You are someone I so look up to!
ReplyDelete