Pester Power

I posted the below on my personal blog a few years ago. I thought it was pretty relevant to today's lecture, so thought I'd share!

Does anyone else despise going shopping with children? I used to LOVE to go food shopping before I had children! I'd wander the aisles and take my time picking out all the lovely things I like to eat. Now I race up and down the aisles just throwing in anything I can get my hands on, going as fast as I can because I know that my children have about a 2 minute threshold before they go ballistic. And when this happens, I have about a 1.5 minute threshold before I do the same.

What is it about kids in a grocery store? First, they want EVERYTHING they see. In the psychology world, we call this "pester power". Translation: the amazing and mysterious power that children have to maintain a constant whine while asking for at least 1500 random items while simultaneously driving their parents insane. "Mo-om! Can we get ice cream?" No, we've got some at home. "Mo-om, can we get a giant 20 pound bag of lollipops" I don't think so. "Mo-om can we get some dog food" We don't even have a dog! ARGGGGG!



Secondly, they won't stay in the cart. Yes, I strap them in, but eventually I can't stand the screaming/crying/whining/fighting/death stares from other grocery patrons so I let them out. BIG mistake. Now they can get their hands on the ice cream/lollipops/dog food so I end up spending more time taking things out of the cart than putting things in! Plus, they now have a great need to hang all over the cart. Climb in, climb out, climb in, climb out, fall on head, cry, climb in, climb out, and on and on! Right! Strap the kids back in, and bring on the screaming/crying/whining/death threats from other patrons.

We've tried it all: sitting in the "fun" car shopping cart, bringing toys, giving snacks, letting the kids help pick things out. Nothing seems to work!

Finally, we make it to the finish line....er...check out line and pay. Both kids want to push the buttons to enter my pin, so I end up putting it in 3 separate times. Finally, get all my bags, run out to the parking lot and throw the bags in the car. Phew! One giant sigh of relief.

But here's the kicker. Through this fiasco we call "grocery shopping" I've managed to forget the milk/bread/eggs that I originally went to the store to buy. So we have to do it all again tomorrow!

Though I do have a 40 pound bag of dog food if anyone needs it.

Macey's

Usually I despise shopping. Let's face it, with three young children, I usually leave the store feeling angry, frustrated, and exhausted. Today was different.

We were at Macey's food store in Spanish Fork. I had a complaint about some chicken I had previously bought. The store manager, Bill, came to talk to me. Even though I didn't have the receipt, or the chicken, he completely replaced the product. He even walked me over to the meat aisle, opened a sealed box for me to look in, and then loaded it in my cart. And later at the checkout, they were short on baggers. So Bill pitched in and bagged my groceries for me! I left the store feeling relaxed, taken care of, and a Macey's fan for life!



This is in stark contrast to an experience I had at Walmart about a year ago. In this case, I waited in their customer service line for 30 minutes only to be told that if I didn't have the receipt then it wasn't their problem.

Now why is this about media??? Okay, this is probably a stretch, but after this experience, I wanted to tell everyone I know to shop at Macey's! I posted it on Facebook so my 500+ friends could see it, posted it on my personal blog, and now have posted it here. I also went to the Macey's website and emailed my experience to the corporate office. Isn't technology wonderful that it allows me to reach so many people almost in almost an instant?

GREAT customer service is rare these days, but if you want a truly exceptional shopping experience, then go to Macey's!!!

Pokemon 2000

Well, there is 1 hour and 42 minutes of my life I will never get back!



My 7 year old Nathan is obsessed with Pokemon. It's not my first choice of things for him to become obsessed with, but all his friends love Pokemon, ergo, he loves Pokemon.

Here is a picture of him with the "Pokemon train car" that we made for his 1st grade class.



So, he's been pushing me to get a Pokemon movie from Netflix for a while. Until recently, I was pretty firm about saying no. Why? I think Pokemon are stupid. Pretty harmless, but just really stupid!

But Nate is growing up. As much as I would like him to watch Little Einsteins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Sesame Street that's not realistic. I mean, what 18 year old still watches Curious George every night? There has to be a transition at some point.

So I decided to let Nate has a bit of autonomy within bounds. I told him we would find out about the Pokemon movie by reading about it at www.commonsensemedia.org (website for parents that describes exactly what content a movie has in it) and then we could decide whether we still wanted to get it. So, we looked at the reviews, and they seemed okay. No sex, no profanity, low levels of violence. He made the decision to get the movie and we decided we would watch it together.

Well, it came, and guess what: though it was a really stupid movie (it took me about 45 minutes to figure out the plot!), in fairness it actually wasn't too bad, in terms of content. The violence is mostly these giant bird-like things who breathe different elements (ice, fire, electricty) out. And the main character, Ash, actually shows great sacrifice and perserverance. Plus Pikachu is kind of cute! :) But what was really fun, was that Nathan kept saying, "That's Reshiram. He's a legendary. He's worth 990 points". Or whatever. He really knows his Pokemon!! It was cute, and I loved that I got to share in his excitement over this movie, even though it wasn't my first choice.

I realized that I've been okay when Nathan (or any of my kids) is obsessed with media that I like. I yearn for the Cars days when he was 2 and the Thomas the Tank Engine Days when he was 3 and 4. That kid had almost every single Car and engine on the book!

Age 2 with Cars. Yep, he has Cars pajamas on too.



Age 3 with Thomas the Tank Engine...just realized he is also wearing Thomas pajaams in this picture! Wow, we are total victims of marketing!



But I've got to reazlie that as much as I want him to stay in this safe little media bubble, that is not realistic and he needs room to grow, even in terms of the media. Though, let's just hope he doesn't develop a Spongebob obsession next! :)

Once upon a Time

Since half a dozen of you mentioned this was your favorite show, I decided to check it out over the weekend. And.......LOVE IT!!!! I'm totally hooked and I've only seen the first two episodes. I personally love fairy tales and fantasy so this is right up my alley. I love the main girl, Emma....cause she's Dr. Cameron from House! Plus, she's really good! Some violence, so I had to pause it when my kids came in the room, but no sex or violence to speak of...hopefully it stays that way!



I'm already thinking of my favorite fairy tales and which ones I want them to cover. I really like the story of the girl and the six swans. Her brothers are turned into swans and she has to knit them shirts out of starwort (like nettles) to turn them back into humans. Juliet Marillier wrote a FANTASTIC book series based on this fairy tale (the first in the series is called "Daughter of the Forest". I would HIGHLY recommend it!) and ever since I read these books, I just love this little known fairy tale.



Anyway, this particular tale would be a fun one for them to cover in this show! Thanks for a great recommendation, guys! Hopefully this one is around for a while!

I'm obsessed with the Gilmore Girls!

I posted this on my private blog about a month ago. Given our quick discussion in class, I thought it was relevant so thought I'd repost it!

I cannot even tell you how much I love this show. I am so lame...I study the media, so I really should know better, but I seriously LOVE this show!! For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of the Gilmore experience, the show is about a mom and her teenage daughter, who have a super close relationship. I think it's such a positive portrayal of the teen/parent relationship in the media. Most portrayals are very stereotypical and negative, but this shows that teens/parents can actually be really close! It even coincides with real research that shows that the vast majority of parents and teens have a good, close, loving, relationship!



I really like the mom (Loralei) on this show! She is so funny and such a good mom (though a little lax at times!) She has this on again/off again relationship with Luke, and I have never been as invested in a TV relationship before (akin to the Ross/Rachel relationship of yesteryear's!!) Don't tell me if they end up together....I don't want to ruin the anticipation! But they better end up together!!!

There are seven seasons, and I am now on the last season (we get it from NetFlix). I am purposefully trying to drag things out, only watching an episode occasionally to make the goodness last.



Seriously, I know how SAD I sound! It's a TV show, with fake characters for goodness sake!!! But it's funny, I feel like a part of their lives: in the research world, we call this a "parasocial relationship": a totally non-existent relationship where we still feel connected and get something out of the relationship (even though it doesn't really exist)! I feel like I'm going to go through a mourning period when this is all done! At least I have something to talk about in my media class now, right??

Anyway, if you haven't seen this series, GET IT! All 7 seasons are on NetFlix and I would highly recommend it!! Paul even watches it with me, and he even likes it! And that is saying something! LOVE IT!!!

Free Willy

Tonight me and Nathan watched "Free Willy" together. Aidan was asleep and Paul had Hannah on a "daddy/Hannah" date so me and Nate popped some popcorn, snuggled on the couch, and had some rare one-on-one time (very rare with 3 kids!!!) Nate is so darn cute. He turned 7 last week, but is still such a sensitive little guy. He cried a couple of times; he was epsecially worried that Willy wouldn't make it, even though I said I had seen it and knew there was a happy ending! I cried too: who doesn't love the ending when Willy does that awesome jump over the kid!!! Good nostalgia (I vividly remember watching this film in the theatre when I was a kid) and some GREAT media time with my son. Love it!

Video game study!

We've had some nice coverage of our video game study (co-playing with parents). Below is the TV spot from Fox 13 news! Funsies!

 

A Lesson from Dancing with the Stars

I just posted this on my private blog and thought it fit well here!

We just finished watching "Dancing with the Stars" with the kids.



Something I don't normally do, but it just happened to be on. Well, I research the media, so I never pass up a chance to teach a lesson with what we are watching. We were watching one dancer who was dressed very immodestly, so we were talking about how our bodies are a temple and we should dress modestly and classy. We talked about how this girls was showing WAY too much leg, back, breasts, and everything else!

Hannah didn't really get it. She just lifted up her shirt and said, "Look! Boobies!"

Okay...

However, I really thought Nathan was internalizing this when the next girl came on, who happened to be wearing a rather modest outfit.

"Mom! She is beautiful! She is dressed very classy. Much better than that other girl"

YES! My son will NOT grow up to be one of the millions of men who drool over the scantily clad girls who seem to be everywhere we look! TV, magazines, billboards, on and on. Girl after girl came on the show and Nathan would always remakr whether she was dressed modestly or immodestly. And how the modest ones were always the more beautiful ones! Hooray!

Just as I was congratualating myself on a good piece of parenting, he came out with this little gem:

"Well...I like the ones who show too much of their boobies. It's very important to be nice to everyone no matter what they look like"

Hmmmmmmmm....true sentiment, but not quite what I had in mind!! At least he wants to be inclusive right?!? :)

It's a BOY!!!

We would like to introduce the newest addition to our family, Aidan Matthew Coyne!



Aidan was born on July 8th at 11:23 pm. I am really funny about even numbers, so I was thrilled that he was born on an even day (with 37 minutes to spare!)



He weighed 8 lb 5 oz (so not too huge like I was expecting!) and was 20 1/2 inches long. Lots and lots of dark brown hair.



Aidan is one week old today and we are LOVING having him home! He is the best baby so far. Good sleeper, good eater, doesn't cry too much! He loves to just look around and snuggle. I am really loving having a newborn again! There is nothing like having a newborn to snuggle up to!!!



We love you Aidan!!!

Toy Story 3

Today we saw Toy Story 3 for FHE. Loved it! Disney/Pixar makes the greatest films in my opinion!

It was kinda scary, though. About half way through I hear a little voice say, "Mom, I don't want to watch this movie anymore. Let's go home". Nope, it wasn't Hannah, it was my sensitive soul, little Nate. So, he ended up sitting on my lap for the last half of the movie (and to be honest, there isn't much "lap" to sit on anymore! There is a part where the toys are in grave peril and Nate just turned to me and sobbed! Poor little guy! Luckily the toys survived (hope I wasn't giving anything away right then! :)



It is definitely a tear jerker. I was totally crying throughout the show as Andy has grown up and gone to college. I couldn't help thinking that my little boy (who LOVES his toys and is so imaginative and sweet with them) is growing up every single day, and one day he won't be so little anymore!



Anyway, I'd definitely recommend this show, but be sure to bring some tissues! :)

Power of Advertising!

I just walked downstairs and Paul said, "I just fell victim to advertising! I've got to go get some KFC right now!"



"Really?" I asked. I can think of nothing nastier than KFC at almost 10:00 at nightime! Or to be fair, KFC at most anytime!

But, off he went! Luckily, he's going to grab me a shake from Artic Circle...hey, before you judge, remember I'm almost 9 months pregnant: I deserve a little sweetness every now and then! :)

Music to my ears!

Nathan was playing on starfall.com tonight, a GREAT website that focuses on early reading skills. There is a place that you can go on that will play excerpts of classical music. He played a bit of Beethoven's 9th Symphony, and then came running in to me.

"MOM! Did you hear that song?"

"Yeah" I said.

"Well...it reminds me of you", said Nathan.

"How come?" I asked.

"Because it is soft and beautiful, and you are soft and beautiful too".

This almost made me cry! I've been feeling a little less than beautiful in recent weeks so leave it up to a 5 year old to say exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Nathan! I love you!

Picture of Nate at his preschool "graduation". What a sweetheart!

Cookie Dough Goodness!

Hannah and I were making cookies the other day. We were listening to Jon Schmidt's new album. One of the softer songs came on (I think it was Jessica's theme), and I looked at my little two year old covered with cookie dough and wished I could freeze this moment in time. My little girl is growing up way too fast!! I love her so much!!!

Some cute pictures...





I really appreciated this music as it made me stop, listen, and just stay in this perfect moment.

P.S. The cookies were awesome! :)

Minivan mania...

We are now proud owners of the one word that strikes fear into the heart of every dad who still thinks he can pull off "cool".....MINIVAN!!!

After 6 hours at the dealership today, and countless searches on the Internet, we now own a 2008 Chrysler Town & Country! We can't fit three carseats in the back of our car, so this was kind of a necessity. Paul fought it tooth and nail. He doesn't exactly fit the "Utah mold" so he thought this was the first step into darkness. Just bring on the jean shorts and white socks and he'll be a full on "Utah-tard" (his words, not mine)! But after weeks of me trying to convince him, he finally gave in!

Here is the beast itself!


The reason I can post this on my media blog, is because the Internet played a HUGE role in getting this car. I found the dealer through the Internet, searched for how much we can finance, and then directly transferred our down payment to the dealer from our online banking account. Thank you new media for making the process just a little easier!

The Reality of Reality TV

If you haven't seen this yet, the news picked up one of my studies recently.

The LA Times (and others) recently ran a story about some of my research. Essentially, it was a study about aggression on reality TV (there is tons!). The study was called "Does Reality Backbite?" and found that some reality TV shows have insane amounts of aggressive behavior when looking at non-physical forms. The Apprentice was BY FAR the worst!!! Below are some of the pictures from the press release.

I don't know who this is. They tried to set this picture up with me as the model and with Paul's hands trying to choke me, but I couldn't stop laughing, let alone look scared! So, we have random guy in the picture instead of me!



The one of me is not super good; the photographer wouldn't let me smile so I just look stoned or something!



Here is the link to the article: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2010/05/reality-tv-aggressive-acts-study.html

Who knows if Simon Cowell's insults are really harmful to us (realistically, I just think they are funny...which on reflection this is probably not a good thing!), but moral of the story is to be careful what you watch!

Lovin' McDreamy.....

Season finale of Grey's Anatomy tonight! Definitely a nail biter! I've been a bit disappointed with the program as the series has gone on this year, but this one made up for it! I won't ruin it for you if you haven't seen it yet, but definitely not one to miss!



(and there was not even ANY sex for my group who is coding sex in medical programs! Just in case you were interested! :)

Feeling gleeful...

My new favorite program is Glee.

If you are not familiar with the program, it is about a glee class in high school. They sing and dance a lot in the show! My husband got me into this (no, he isn't gay I promise!) I recently watched two episodes on Hulu. One was really good, the other not so much.

1. THE POWER OF MADONNA: This episode was all about Madonna, and really focused on several main characters' decisions about whether or not to lose their virginity. Some did, others didn't, but overall, I wasn't too impressed with how they dealt with the issue.

2. HOME: The main theme of this was feeling beautiful no matter what you look like. One character (who happens to be overweight) gets on the cheerleading team, where she promptly is told to lose 10 pounds. After severely dieting, she decides to rebel (and ends up singing that Christina Aguilera song, "Beautiful" to the whole school!) Yes, VERY cheesy (I think that's the point of the whole show!!), but a great message to adolescents.

PLUS, Kristin Chenowith guest starred in the episode. Love her!

Cinderella ate my daughter

This is from my personal blog, but thought it was super relevant so I'll post it here as well...

I'm in San Fransisco right now at a Gender Development conference. Just saw Wicked last night: LOVED IT!!

Had dinner with a woman the other night who talked about "benign bigotry", whatever that is. She was saying how feminists were so picked on and I asked, "So, are you a feminist?" "Oh yeah", she said. I had verbal diarrhea at that point and blurted out, "Wow! I've never met a real feminist before!" as if she were an alien or something. Oh good times.

SO, I just out of a WONDERFUL talk by Peggy Ornstein called "Cinderella ate my daughter: Reflections on the new "girly" girl childhood". She talked a lot about the Disney Princess line (who last year made like 5 BILLION dollars in merchandising), why all girl toys have to be "pink" and why this might be a problem.



This was the closing talk and I was so excited to go, as Hannah has now fully embraced the whole "Cinderella concept". She likes to dress up, her favorite color is pink, she can quote whole dialogues from Cinderella, and knows all the words to "Once upon a dream". I have four younger sisters who were all NOT girly. In fact, two of them (you know who you are!) would dress in boy clothing and could even pass for boys when their hair was short! I desperately wanted a younger sister who I could paint her nails, or do her hair, but no go! So, when I had a daughter of my own, I was really excited, and even more excited when Hannah seemed to naturally gravitate to the more girly stuff!



Okay, here's my take on this whole thing. Now, I've never been a huge fan of Disney Princesses. The focus is on BEAUTY. Why do girls like them? Because they are PRETTY. Sure, Cinderella works hard, but only cause the stepmother makes her. Sleeping Beauty does nothing but dream her life away and then falls asleep and Ariel is the ultimate "rebellious teenager" (instead of a belly button ring, she went out and got LEGS!) The psychologist mom that I am, whenever we talk about Disney Princesses, I always try to highlight the non-beauty aspects of them (as in "wow, Cinderella sure is a kind person"). My husband just laughs at me.

I've been so focused on keeping Nathan away from media violence (which has a HUGE effect on boys!) that this Disney princess thing with Hannah has sort of snuck up on me. What kind of message am I sending? That THIN, beautiful models (which sums up pretty much all princesses) are all that are out there? And these models are to be frank, slightly insipid, (Sleeping Beauty) sometimes whiny, (Ariel) and often entitled (Jasmine)? And I sort of encouraged this??? I've just realized that my email address has the word princess in it, and my name actually means "princess"!!!! How do I raise a girl who is self assured, confident, feels good about her self and her body, and who isn't afraid to be SMART in this day and age, when even I (psychologist media girl) have sort of bought into the hype?!? Have I ruined my daughter forever?!?!?

Luckily, Hannah is 2 and still has a lot of growing up to do. I do think a little make believe is great: but you still need to focus on the non-beauty aspects of these princesses. So, here are a few Disney princesses that I think we are going to start focusing on: those that have truly great qualities besides the fact that they have a pretty face.

Belle


I think this is my all time Disney Princess. First of all, she is SMART! She loves to read and isn't ashamed of it, even though it makes her a little odd. Secondly, she DOESN'T buy into the whole appearance thing. The message of the story is that appearances don't matter! After all, she falls in love with the beast, and even stays with him when he turns into that seriously ugly prince at the end! (sorry, don't know what Disney was thinking with that prince!!)

Jane



Okay, not officially a Disney princess, but I think she's great! She's not the most beautiful of girls (gotta love the pointy nose!), but she's a SCIENTIST!!! How many good female scientists do we have in children's movies? I think Tarzan is too scary for Hannah right now (at least the last part), but I'm hoping to really get her into this in the future.

Mulan

Now here is a Disney princess who is brave, self sacrificing, intelligent, honorable, and loyal. She is awkward and doesn't quite fit it, yet she saves her whole country. LOVE IT! Again, the movie is a little too scary/violent for Hannah at age 2, but I'm buying the book!

Tiana


Disney's newest princess, isn't actually a princess until the end of the movie. Here's my favorite attribute of Tiana: She WORKS HARD! And she's a frog for the whole movie, so the whole beauty thing is kind of moot throughout! The really "girl girl" Charlotte (who I think is HILARIOUS!) is made to be kind of ridiculous, so again the whole concept of focusing on beauty is actually mocked in this show! Besides the scary voodoo dolls (yikes!) this is a great show for little girls to watch!

SO, there's my take on Disney princesses. In theory, I don't mind the line too much as they are certainly better than the alternative: Barbie and Bratz dolls were are hugely sexualized and REALLY not the role model I want for Hannah!


I think you need to have moderation in all things. The speaker had completely banned all princess stuff from her house, but I don't think this is necessary. I think as a parent, I need to MODERATE what does come into the house (focus on some, but not others), and try to highlight the GOOD aspects of these role models. So, we aren't completely going to ban Cinderella from the house: seriously, a little pink and dress up (in moderation) probably never hurt anyone! But at the same time we are also going to focus on all the "princesses" listed above that will provide a more balanced view of womanhood! Hopefully, this will help us all have a happily ever after!

An Irish family photograph...

Here is our most recent family photograph taken on St. Patrick's day!



Can you tell we get into the holiday a bit?!? With Paul ACTUALLY being from Ireland, and the kids being Irish citizens we tend to go a bit overboard!

And here's a couple of my Hannah banana. Seriously, have you seen a cuter looking Irish baby?!?




We have a BOOK (here is how I'm bringing media into this post) about a leprechaun and gold that I was reading to Nathan the day before St. Paddy's. Well, somehow he got it into his head that the leprechaun would come pinch him in the nighttime if he wasn't wearing green (even though this was NOT what the book was about!) Luckily he had some Thomas the Tank Engine PJS with green on them so HE WAS SAFE! Phew!

Happy late St. Patrick's Day!

My shout out from Elder Ballard!

Anyone else listening to Saturday morning conference?

Elder Ballard (who I LOVE cause he often talks about the media!) was giving a talk about mothers/daughters. In the talk he said we as women need to gossip less and be nicer. And then he said we need to be careful of all the gossip and similar behavior in recent movies and literature.

SOUND FAMILIAR???

Yes, I was freaking out: to have my research agenda over the last 10 years be validated over the pulpit is a nice feeling! Thanks Elder Ballard!!!